well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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