Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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