all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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