another moral hangover. fuck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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