I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
