Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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