WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
