the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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