My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
