I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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