I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
