I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
