I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
