Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize