Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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