I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
