walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
