You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
