I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's shark week go big or go home
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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