Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
