My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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