If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize