He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
