he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
