He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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