but the lizard people decide everything anyway
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
