Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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