In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
