Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you had me at cake vodka
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
