I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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