u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
