seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
