I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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