no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
