1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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