It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
