brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
