Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
