I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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