He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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