well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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