I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize