I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize