I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
