I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
