you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
