I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
