Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
