Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
