he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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