haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk is not a location!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
