i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
