Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
