I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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