just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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