Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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