I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
