You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You ruined the universe
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
