Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
