Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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