dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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