we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
