I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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