I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize