Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
