I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
