i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
