Already got asked if we're dating
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
