he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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