I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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