he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
