When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
