i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
