JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
