Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
