If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
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