her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
