soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
