I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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