my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Found the puke drawer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
