there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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