just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
