We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
