What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
