I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
