Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
