Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
